Is This Happiness?

The crunch of gravel beneath car tires was usually a pleasant sound for Jocelyn Abraham. Growing up in the south - the part of the south where a lot of the streets weren't paved, or if they were it had been so long ago that they'd just about worn down to gravel again - had instilled a deep love of all things gritty and natural. Today, though, that sound was nearly enough to trigger a panic attack. It really hit home the gravity of the situation, though all it really signified was that Joss had arrived home. There was a long, hard conversation looming in the future, the result of which would determine whether Joss would ever call this place home again.

They didn't live in the south anymore, at least not according to state lines, but Joss' parents were old and southern and had old, southern ways of thinking about things. They were about to have their small-minded little world turned upside down and Joss didn't know how they would deal with that. Probably poorly.

The backdoor was unlocked, as it almost always was, and Joss' folks were sitting at the kitchen table, having coffee. They hardly even looked up, since their kids were pretty much always coming and going as they pleased, even though none of them lived in the house anymore. Joss' mom, Esther, got up to make another cup of coffee.

"Sooo... You guys aren't busy, are you?"

"No," Esther replied, setting a cup of coffee in front of Joss. She'd put non-dairy creamer in it, which Joss thought made the coffee taste like bread. "Why? Did you need something?"

"Well, not exactly... Do you have time to talk? It's a little bit important."

Luther looked up from his game of solitaire. "A little bit? Is it important, or isn't it?"

"Uh. Yeah, it's important."

"Then get on with it." He drew three cards off the top of the stack in his hand and smiled slightly as he played the red jack that came up on top of a black queen, then moved a red ten onto that, clearing a space for a new king to be played.

"Uh, well... So... I think. No, okay." Nervous, Joss stood up and started to pace, before finally leaning on the back of the chair. "Let me start over. I'm gonna put this as simply as I can, but hear me out before you say anything. I'm not a girl."

"Of course you're a girl. That's stupid." Esther put her coffee cup down sharply, splashing some coffee onto the tablecloth. "Now see what you made me do? Foolish child. I thought you had something important."

"I do - I told you to let me finish! I'm not a girl. I'm a - I don't know exactly. I'm not a boy either-"

"Obviously."

"You're not one o' them lesbians, are you? We won't have that kind of thing in this family."

"No, dad, I'm not a lesbian. For one, you have to be a girl to be a lesbian-"

"Would you stop with that foolishness? You're a girl. A woman. You have been since the day you were born. Quit acting like a child."

"I'm not-!"

"We don't allow faggots in this family. You understand? Either stop being foolish, or get out."

Joss was silent for a moment, then turned and left, tears streaming down their cheeks. They drove out to the state park and sat in the car, parked under the trees, and cried. "I don't know what I expected," Joss thought aloud. They turned to get their backpack out of the backseat and dug out their phone. It was a good thing their best friend was on speed dial, because Joss couldn't see a thing through their tears. When the person on the other end of the line finally picked up, Joss sobbed into the mic. "Kay, I need you."

Kay took a deep breath when she heard Joss sob into the phone. Truthfully, she had been ready to ask if Joss could call her back because she was literally up to her ass in dirt, having promised to help her grandmother pull weeds from her garden since she had trouble getting down on her knees anymore.

"I'm here Joss. What's wrong love? What can I do?" Kay looked towards the porch where her grandmother was hosing off the railing. "Do I need to come and pick you up from someplace?"

Their best friend's caring, concerned voice sent Joss right over the edge into hysterics. "Kay, my dad haaaaaaaaaaaates meeeeeeeee," they wailed. "He thinks i'm a faaaaaaaaaaaaag." They flopped over melodramatically, splaying across both front seats of their car with their head buried in their arms. "My life is stupid. I hate this."

"Joss, I can't understand you when you flop around, your mouth doesn't stay by the phone. What does your dad think?" Kay asked with a frown. "You're really muffled"

Joss cried themself exhausted for a few minutes before they were able to pull their head up and reply. "I tried to talk to Mom and Dad about, yanno, gender-stuff. And it... it didn't go well. I don't know what I expected them to say. I was hoping... but, whatever. It doesn't matter now. Dad thinks I'm a fag..."

They sighed and were silent for a few seconds. "I don't know what to do. You're the only person I can rely on, Kay. I guess i don't have a family now... He said I could either stop being a faggot or I could get out. And... I left, obviously. So... I guess that's it, you know? How can I go back there after that?"

"Can I come over?"

"I don't think Gramma would mind too much. I'm just helping out in her garden right now, and you know she'd sooner cuss someone out than disown one of us." Kay sighed, brushing her bangs back from her sweaty forehead. "Do me a favor before you get here though. Pick something up, food wise, to bribe her with. You know the kind of stuff she likes. She's much more agreeable after she's eaten and she was just talking about how she skipped lunch. I'm can pay you back once you get here and we'll figure something out."

"M'kay. I can do that. Thanks, sweetie. I'll see you soon. Love you." Joss hung up the phone, but stayed flopped over in the seat for a little longer, feeling sorry for themself. Bluuuhhhhh. Okay, Joss. C'mon, get your shit together. You got this."

They sat up and started the car, pulling out of the parking lot in a hurry, but keeping an eye out for cops or park rangers just in case. It would be just their luck to get pulled over, and they didn't think they could handle the stress. Cops were scary on a good day. And today was definitely not a good day.

Joss made two stops on their way over to Kay's house. One at Frisch's to get lunch for Kay's gramma (and some soup for Kay), and the second at Burger King to get four slices of Hershey's pie. They figured they could share at least one slice of pie with Kay. Or they might just eat it all, because chocolate is why.

When they pulled up to the curb in front of the house, they waited a moment, looking for any sign of Kay around before going up to the door, because as long as they'd been friends, they still felt super akward in front of her gramma.

Almost as soon as Joss was in front of the glass, a little sliver terrier was on the otherside, his stubby tail going a mile a minute as he barked. Kay's grandmother wasn't far behind, looking more in her late forties than someone nearly 70. "Come on in, you know he doesn't bite" the elderly woman smiled "Kris just got out of the shower; we were gardening and you know how the brat likes to play in the dirt" She shook her head with a sigh.

"IS THAT JOSS??" Kay's voice came from her upstairs bedroom "HANG ON I'M NAKED!!"

Joss smiled politely at Kay's gramma and slipped inside. They left the Frisch's bag on a table by the door, muttering a quick "gotcha somethin'" before hurrying upstairs to Kay's room. She was a nice lady, but she still made Joss nervous, and they were in no state to really be around people, anyway. Kay didn't count as a people, because Kay was special.

Kay was on the other side of the room from the stairs, pants half on and struggling to get untangled from a black t-shirt (more than likely something batman themed) of which she had somehow managed to tangle around her head after getting her arms safely thought. Tripping over her shoes, she landed on the old couch against the wall, managed to get her head halfway through the proper hole, then proceeded to reattempt to comprehend her pants.

The entire time this was going on, she happened to also be monologing about how clothes were pointless and going to be the death of her some day.

Joss flopped onto the couch and immediately started unwrapping a slice of hershey pie. Through a mouthful of chocolate filling, they said "Kay, I don't give a fuck if you're naked. Have some pie."

Abandoning any sense of dignity at the word pie, Kay wriggled until she slipped off the couch onto the floor. "Ohhhh what kind?" she grinned widely "Is it pecan? Or cherry?"

"Nah. Just shitty Burger King chocolate pie. I didn't have to get out of the car to get it, so that's what we got."

They threw one of the little wedge-shaped boxes at her and followed it with a plastic spoon. "Dig in."

"Who needs a spoon" Kay grinned as she carefully went about dismantling the box to let her at the moist goodness within. The first bite had a shower of crumbs finding refuge in the folds of the shirt she only had half on.

"Kay, I think your boobs have finally gotten large enough that they have their own gravitational pull."

"Don't tell the boys" Kay teased with a grin. "They'll start using it as an excuse and I'll have to start breaking noses." She took another bite and had to struggle to lick chocolate filling from her nose.

"No, I'll be the one to break noses. Everyone knows that I'm the only one allowed to play "penny basketball" with your cleavage as the hoop."

"At least upgrade to quarters like the guys. These bras are fucking expensive as shit. I'm in a G cup Joss. G as in Geezuz fucking christ"